No, not dead...at least not literally.

Although right now I am sitting in my house with every light off and even a blanket over my kitchen window, I'm not in hiding.  You see, I had Baby 2.0 in early January and about two days ago she decided she hates to sleep.  Hates it.  Even right now I have her wrapped into a little J-baby burrito, all cozy in a chair, and she simply stares into the darkness...probably trying to put a hex on me.

It all started with January 2, when I dragged my half-ton ass into my OB's office and stared at him miserably.  He made the right choice to start with, "Do you have any questions for me?"  If he had started with "how are you?" or "how are you feeling?" I would have died.  My answer was, "Yeah, can we schedule something?" And so it began.  I decided J-baby's birthday would be January 6.  Child 1.0 was an induction as well, so clearly I am super Type-A and get to pick when I will have a baby.  I am a planner and a control freak.  So we showed up at the hospital at 5:00 am (WTF) and started prepping to evict a baby from Wombland.  I'll spare you all the nitty gritty (poor you) but she was born at 3:51 pm and this bitch right here only had to push twice.  To say I had an easy labor would be an understatement.  I waited as long as possible for the epidural (with Child 1.0 I got it right away) and although she had to do it THREE TIMES (WTF!?), this time it took.  (With Child 1.0 it never took)  We got to leave the hospital 36 hours later.  Jbaby has her momma's black hair and no-nonsense demeanor.  She is just as high strung as me---nothing like the lax baby that was her predecessor.  

The first few nights were typical---I was a mess because every little peep made me jump through the ceiling.  However, each night she slept more than the last.  We got to a good little routine where she'd go down at about 11pm and sleep til 5am.  And then she'd sleep til 7am.  This was after sleeping 95% of the day.  As of two nights ago, she has changed her mind about this whole sleep thing, because she must think Child 1.0 and I have all kinds of cool stuff going on during the day.  She is what my friend calls a "Sleep Ninja."  She "sleeps" in short little bursts and most of the time has one eye open (and no joke, it's shifts...shifty-eyed sleep ninja...).  She doesn't really cry per se, but she does do what us in Mommyland refer to as Baby Bitching.  She makes these pissed off sounding grunts just so you know she is pissed.  About nothing.  So we bounce, we sing, we burp, we swaddle, we rock, and sometimes I do magic.  But today is different.  You see, last night she did her baby bitching ALL NIGHT.  Even when her eyes were closed, she was bitching (just like her mother...)  I got a cumulative total of one hour of sleep on top of the fact I am in deficit of three weeks "good night rest."  Today I don't have it in me to bounce, sing, etc. so I made the house completely dark.  For realz.  It looks like night time in here.  I wrapped her up super cozy and laid her in her soother chair.  Although she is not sleeping, she isn't baby bitching either. 

I have searched for the cause of this and have not come up with a damn thing.  See, she isn't crying however she stops doing "it" when you bounce, burp, or rock her.  She doesn't seem to be miserable about anything, just grumpy.  As soon as you get her to stop, she likes to just look around  or pretend to sleep.  I say pretend because as soon as you set her down, she's at it again.  I am really out of my element here because 1.) I am used to a toddler and 2.) My toddler as a baby was NOTHING like this.

So I continue to look like a hermit.  And I continue to tell myself to cherish these days (as tiring as they are) because before I know it, Jbaby will be toddler sized and I'll be crying into my Lucky Charms. 

Photo by Andrea Keaveney